Lazy Ragù

Ingredients

I like to think my sauce is somewhere between Bologna and Napoli even tho it sure ain’t. Imma list in the order of importance what I usually use down here, but please adjust according to your local market and preference, to quote chef Jean-Pierre:

If you don’t have/like it, don’t use it.

1. 2 fist-sized onyi
2. 1 big carrot
3. A Gordon-Ramsey dash of cooking oil²
4. 600 grammi of mince from any mammal³
5. 3 tomatoes⁴
6. Salt and pepper
7. Half a bottle of drinkable red wine⁵
8. ’bout the same amount of stock
9. A few cloves of garlic
10. A couple of ribs of celery
11. Some thyme and basil, preferably fresh
12. Some chili
13. Paprika powder⁶

These should produce about 2 litri of sauce or 4–6 servings,⁷ for which some hard cheese(s) and butter are also nice to have.

The following tools are also needed:

1. Bowls (for storing the ingredients)
2. Kitchen sink
3. Knife and cutting board
4. Fine grater (like for cheese or citrus jest)
5. Blender
6. Frying pan
7. Spatula or ladle
8. Sauce pan or pot
9. Slow cooker

Base Prepping

Peel, wash and finely dice the onyi and caramelize ‘em in a pan with some oil under low heat. Stir sparingly, this process takes over half an hour and should start before anything else.⁸ A wee of salt would help draw out the moisture and accelerate the caramelization, which happens well above the water’s boiling point.

In the meantime, wash the other vegetables, finely grate the carrot, peel and mince the garlic, and dice the celery. When all done, transfer all to the pan and continue frying until the onyi are soft and lightly browned.

Broth Prepping

While waiting for the base veggies to caramelize, reduce the wine in half in a sauce pan to get rid of the alcohol.

Blend the tomatoes with the stock (it’s supposed to be a purée without the peel but ain’t nobody got time for that) and the rest of the spices. Be conservative with the salt, you can always add more but it’s much less easy to remove.

Meat Prepping

Move the vegetables into the slow cooker from the pan and use it⁹ to sear the minced meat under medium heat until the bottom side is golden brown (no need to stir). Parfry in multiple batches if necessary: if the pan is crowded it’d take much longer to reach the desired temperature for the Maillard reaction. Remember, water is the enemy, so leave it a way to retreat.¹⁰

Cooking

Scoop the meat into the slow cooker and pour in the reduced wine. Gradually add the tomato smoothie while mixing until the liquids barely covers the solids (add more stock if necessary).

Turn the cooker on low and stew for 4–8 hours or until the meat is tender.

Serving

Serve with short pasta or rice. Grate in a generous amount of hard cheeses and drop in a smol slab of butter¹¹ and mix well for extra creaminess. Butter is an emulsifier, so turn off the stove before adding it to prevent the butterfat from separating.

Plate with fresh basil and thyme and even moar grated cheese if you have any left.

Reflection

The recipe is not that lazy to be handy, it nor differs from a normal ragù enough to be a rage bait, but I spent all that time typing it down so I decided to keep the original title for the clickbait values.